A further reflection on Cosmology

Since my freshman year in college, when I read the book “The Human Phenomenon” by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, who was a paleontologist and a French Jesuit priest, I understood something important about what we think about the structure of reality. It is not cyclic, it is actually a process, with cyclic rhythms and order, but unique as time unfolds. This has amazingly important implications. The most important to me today is that St. Augustine was wrong. There was never a “fall” from a perfect Garden of Eden. We are evolving, and we were never perfect. The capacity to nurture and love, and connect have grown from beings which at first had no language. The brain had a reptilian underpinning, which is 100,000 years old, and then a mammalian brain, which is about 50,000 years old, which also has evolved, and which gives us these nurturing and empathic abilities.

This means that there is no “original sin”. The creation, the universe, is an unfolding miracle of physical order and unity, in which coherence is given by the substances of time and space, mass and energy, and in which all the elements of the Periodic Table came from processes which devolved from the Big Bang, over 13.8 billion years. From the original moment, the stars formed, then the planets as the universe rapidly burst outward. Some stars are dead or dying, but they are a unique unfolding, not going back to the beginning of time. There are billions of galaxies. We do not know of life anywhere else yet, but it is possible that another planet somewhere in all these billions of galaxies is also unfolding the complex interactions which might lead first to chemicals which begin to come together, and then exist in circumstances which make possible the biosphere. Fr. Teilhard spoke of what he thought as the countervailing force, which balances against the Second law of thermodynamics, which supposes that by spending energy, things ultimately fall into entropy. His understanding of Einstein’s showing us that energy and mass are interchangeable at the speed of light, was that there is a law of Complexity-Consciousness, which is building the process of the unfolding development of the universe. He considered the energy to be Love. Love as he defines it is not romantic, it is about growth and connection and order, where the order subsumes what was previously the structural organization. For example, the time and place in Earth’s development when chemical molecules coalesced and “infolded” to become organic compounds set the stage for the further development of life.

For many people, this doesn’t really seem to touch them, but what it does in theology is show that there was never a fallen world, and that we have misunderstood what Jesus came to do. His life, death and resurrection mirror the way life, death and resurrection are happening in the universe all the time– it is the pattern. Nothing is lost; rather, it is built- in to what comes next. The Cosmic Christ is the pattern of this unfolding. Jesus was not “paying” for our sins, but he LOVED us, so that we could learn how to be human in the best way, as our connection to God within this reality of the process of Creation. We can feel and believe and THANK Him for this gift of the modeling of how to be more loving, more connected, more deeply compassionate; and to be enfolded in love with God and with the world around us. The scriptures constantly connect us with this loving Creator. This God is benevolent, and wants our growth, and wants to help us, actually IMPELS us, toward greater empathy, connection and unity. Teilhard called this the NOOSPHERE, which will be a way that humans become more connected, as we are so quickly doing through the use of communications and our inventions for sharing knowledge and problem-solving skills over the whole Earth. This is the understanding of St. Bonaventure, who with St. Aquinas, emphasized what is GOOD in creation, and that in the first chapter of Genesis, God saw it was “GOOD!” Instead of being full of fear, and hearkening back to a mythic time when everything was perfect, we need to have courage to move forward into the unknown, unfolding creation. We need to let go of the picture of a static universe, such as was the Ptolemaic system, before Galileo. We need to understand that Jesus was inviting women as well as men to a deeper relationship with the Divine Mystery. We need to get rid of the concept of “original sin”. We each have enough flaws and dents in our characters, and we hurt ourselves and each other, but the invitation is toward growth, healing, strength, and deeper loving union with the Divine who is calling us forth into a blooming future! There is no need to add a super-sin, which is our imperfect character, which needs to be forgiven. God made us and God is helping us grow. We are the universe expressing itself, lovingly. We can ask God for forgiveness for our behaviors, our sins; but the idea of an original sin which was committed by Adam, is not true, not the right way to see the story of Creation. This does not take away from our love of God, it makes us see that God is so much MORE loving, MORE creative, than we thought! Ilia Delio, a follower of Teilhard de Chardin, calls this God the “not-yet God”. The God of the future.

St. Thomas Aquinas thought that sin was “missing the mark”. As if a behavior was shooting an arrow and missing the bull’s eye– we overthink or overreact, or our own agenda or needs get in the way of a clear and good way to interact or solve a problem. We are called to deeper interactions, better human unity and relationships. The biggest sins we commit are failure to love. Love brings increased complexity but also keeps individual uniqueness. All of the ways the universe is made of relationships help us see that love and relationality are how God is bringing the universe along!

Whenever I see something about Original Sin now, it makes me angry. It is bad theology. It is not appropriate to what we know about the universe and the way creation has unfolded. It also makes God look like a mean and cruel deity, who would send his son to be killed. We have to get back to what is actually in the scriptures, that we are called into being out of God’s infinite creative love. That is the “good news” we need to share!

Concerning death and dying

Reflecting on end-of-life issues
4/6/23
Martina

I think what matters most is believing that what is meant to happen will happen, and that I must trust my sons Sebastian and Andy to do what they think is best at the time. I have signed and delivered the 5 Wishes form to my doctor, saying not to prolong my life if there is not a reasonable hope for health and wellness, but simply dwindling down as end-organ damage becomes more permanent. I made Sebastian the chief decision-maker because I think he is less likely to jump to conclusions, and less likely to make a unilateral decision. I want you all to take what the doctors say into consideration, with respect.

I think it would be hard for me to have much enjoyment of life if I am bedridden, or go blind, or am completely deaf, as well as frail and movement-restricted. I want to be able to feel the sun on my face and be outside, and to see and smell flowers. If I am not conscious and not likely to regain full consciousness, let me go.

Please do not park me in front of a tv. Let me have silence or classical music, and let me be in the sunshine as much as possible.
Read my poem, THE END, which I am posting below.

I also think it is hard to know how much energy I would have, as life is waning, and whether I would want to try to keep breathing, if it is an uphill battle to breathe. I know I do not want to be permanently on a respirator, so if there is not much hope of getting off, please don’t start it.

What I think I can say, is that it seems reasonable to try to help when there is sufficient energy to maintain a steady-state, in which I know and love my family and loved-ones. But as we get older and more frail, being able to preserve that well-being of the advanced elderly person’s life is less possible. I want to admit that, and take that into account, in offering you guidelines about the decisions you have to make.

If I am otherwise healthy, treat my bladder infection or lung infection. But if there are already some signs of advancing kidney or liver or heart damage, or the lungs are already in a compromised state, beyond just infection, I am ok with you letting me go gently.

The concept of dying a normal death, of being allowed to pass quietly and peacefully, is harder to do, once we start trying to slow the chronic losses. Sometimes it starts small and then there is more and more; a cascade of problems which are all getting worse. It is ok to stop.

I want to be loved, to be cared for gently, to be kept clean and as comfortable as possible. I want to be fed and groomed, if I can’t do it myself. But once I cannot absorb nutrition, don’t feed me, or put a tube down to help get food into my stomach. There is a lot of data that people at end-of-life are not hungry as the body is shutting down and dying.

If I can still see, help me see something beautiful; look out the window, see the flowers, the ocean, the hills. If I can hear, play the classical music I love; Bach, Chopin, Palestrina.

I would rather die in a dignified way, a little early, than be carried to the end by extraordinary interventions which take me away from home, put me into a medical setting, with people who don’t know me. I would like to spare those resources for the young, who are more able to bounce back.

I want Sebastian and Andy to take care of themselves, too, and not be sleepless or depressed or anxious about me. I believe God loves me and that I will be falling into the loving arms of God, so it is not a bad thing for me to die. I will always love you!

Please forgive me for whatever I have done to hurt you, and know that I am sorry.

“The challenge before us is this: to treasure and preserve the independence given to us and learn to integrate it in an all-embracing interdependence”.
BR. DAVID STEINDL-RAST

The End

If I die before the end of the story,

please finish it for me.

My legs may creak and fold,

lightning rushing through frayed wiring

sending sparks of pain,

but let my breath last

until the last task is done.

Let me hold the baby

as one holds pilgrims of the future,

with hope like shooting stars

and winter waves at high tide.

Let me learn to trust

irregular heartbeats

and slow thoughts,

let whispering

remind me of singing.

Give me bread

bring me wine

and let it be communion.

Touch me sweetly, tenderly,

If my legs fail, hold me up

so I can see

the sunlit sea.

MN 2022

Grief

Today was the funeral for Nate Lawrence. He has been Sebastian’s house-mate for 12 years. He has also been a dear friend to Andy, and to me. The Pacific Garden Chapel was full. The first piece was a musical composition by his brother Dan and two musical friends, a singer with a great voice, and a harp player– Irish harp. The piece was accompanied by underwater footage of Nate’s, which was gorgeous, and went perfectly with the gentle harp notes, and piano riffs, in a song about this peaceful place. There was also a video clip of Nate’s hands on a guitar, playing a riff, which was super-poignant. The film was extensive, and earlier we also saw the footage of rock-crawling, and other fun activities, and how much Nate was out in nature, seeing the beauty of the world.

I feel about him like he was another son of mine. I spoke about the time he asked me to stitch his finger, which had a very deep gash in it, and was bleeding profusely, after a fishing adventure. I had gotten a small kit, in case I needed to suture something like this, and I did have a tiny bit of local anesthesia. So I did it. It was deep, and we cleaned it well, and I gave him some local, and put 3 stitches in, pretty deep, to try to snugly reduce the swelling, and maybe bind a lacerated small arteriole. He didn’t even wince, he just said “thank you.” So many of these young men didn’t have insurance, and it would have been expensive to go to the E.R. I worried, but it did heal ok. He and Sebastian loved to spear fish off the Point at Asilomar. Once we had a BBQ right there, with the guys still half-in their wetsuits. Freshest fish in the world!

As I think it over now, I believe he was a Druid. He was a magical person, with the leprechaunish sense of humor, super-intelligent, and intuitively gifted. He taught himself to play the guitar, and he figured out all the best pieces of equipment needed for any endeavor, and got them for himself and Sebastian. He was so deeply connected to nature, and immersed himself in it. He was a great friend and counselor to many of the guys who were in their circle of friends, and always ready to lend a hand. He had a big soul, a deep soul. I feel that he did all that work to heal after that terrible crippling accident 3 years ago, and he made it, and was moving into a better future. And then this happened. We will miss him forever.